My Life Now.

I am writing this to my Mother, who may or may not know about this post. I can only hope she is looking down on me or up at me if she is in fact reincarnated as my Zeppa Dog, to the see the man I have become.

You see my mother thought I would have succeeded as a captain and a sailor whom she thought I was. Little did she know, I had a form of ADHD and had walked away from a career in journalism to become a professional sailor. I gave up my captain's license last month in favor of using my college degrees.

Now I'm a journalist once again, having given up my life at sea and own a TV station in Klamath Falls, Oregon that I hope to expand to a network of TV stations across these United States in an effort to give Americans a voice once again.

You see my mother and I fought like cats and dogs. Always Sonny Boy Strikes again. She never prepared me for life without her and in all likelihood I would be living on a boat in Florida right now, addicted to drugs and liquor and otherwise a waste of life had I not listened to my wife and gotten into therapy.

The booze killed both my parents and while I miss them both, my life is better without either of them in my life on a regular basis because I come from a toxic race of people who burry their troubles in a bottle and carton of smokes. Both my parents lost their life to lung cancer.

It wasn't until my mother dropped dead at the tender age of 72 that I quit smoking myself, and it wasn't until well after that I learned about my learning deficiency. I had a sister who was a teacher who called it first in a jab at me personally, but never did she raise a hand to get me the treatment I needed. She is a toxic soul too, and I am glad to be done with her as well.

But now that my news is done and my weather prepped for the morning, I now stop and think about how my life has changed since my mother's death. Oh I still enjoy a light beer and a glass of wine once in a while, but I burn off the carbs every morning at 5 am with my dogs and a swift run by the Link River.

Most nights I go to bed by 8PM with the old adage about young men and early to bed and rise. I'm not that young anymore and in truth I have a few too many gray hairs and memories of times gone by. But I'm healthier and happier than I have been in most of my life and thanks to some intense therapy and a brief bout of Straterra, I am a better man than I was back then.

And while I miss my sailing career and wish it had all gone different, I can't help but think this is the way that life was supposed to work out and this was how it was all supposed to happen.

I just wish that the tears and heartache that caused my parents to expire early, didn't leave such deep scars in my soul and that if it had to be this way, I just wish she was here to see who I have become and could enjoy the success I am seeing.